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Troubling language

1/31/2014

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Posted by BJ
Like many of our readers and fans of the written word, I love the subtly of our language. I came across a great example of how a minor shift in words can make a significant difference in the message.

In a recent newspaper article a company that involved in an accident wherein a customer was seriously injured stated, “We have established a policy that we do not comment whenever we are under investigation or involved in litigation.”
​Upon hearing this, I couldn’t help but think of the message this sends. If you are like me, the message this sends to you is that this company is under investigation/involved in litigation so often, they have had to establish a policy to ensure employees don’t provide comments in in such cases.

Had this company worded this differently they could have delivered the message they probably intended. They might have stated it something like, “As we are currently involved in litigation, it would be inappropriate to comment.” Said this way, the message is, “We behave appropriately when we’re litigated” and “We’re involved in litigation at the moment.” (rather than often or continuously).
​
Of course, making sure the message being sent is the one the writer intended takes time and careful consideration of the words used and their order. That’s why an appropriate amount of time needs to be allowed for rewriting and editing content when developing a proposal. It’s also why proposals which are rushed out the door often unintentionally deliver the wrong message.
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    BJ Lownie and Jon Williams are the co-founders of Strategic Proposals.

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